


Reflections in the Water

by wonderfilledblue



Series: Our Tomorrow [1]
Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Canon Compliant, M/M, Post-Departure, Post-KrisHanTao, mostly sebaek, non-au
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-02
Updated: 2018-09-02
Packaged: 2019-07-04 01:31:16
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,100
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15830982
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wonderfilledblue/pseuds/wonderfilledblue
Summary: "It's just – where do you see us a year from now? Five years? Twenty years? Where will we be?”





	Reflections in the Water

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this a while ago, back in 2016. This is actually part one of a story that I had originally planned to have three parts, but I'm not sure if I'll ever get to the third part (I posted the second part before this one already). I scrounged this out from my drive a little while after I found the second part. Even thought the full story isn't completely finished yet, I still thought this might be an interesting companion story to my first part. It's different from the last – mostly SeBaek, but HunHan does make a cameo. 
> 
> Also even though both parts are part of a series, they can still be read separately as individual fics. I had planned to have them in order as a set of three, but since I haven't written the third part then the two don't necessarily have to be read together, yet I guess it might help if they were. 
> 
> Finally, sorry if I got any canonical facts wrong. Again I wrote this a long time ago and I'm not sure if I got everything right. Hope you like it anyway!

**_01 October 2016, 10AM KST_**

**_(day before_ ** **_EXO Planet #3 – The EXO'rDIUM in Fukuoka)_ **

Sehun feels like shit.

Granted, he spent most of his time these days feeling like shit, but today he was feeling shittier than usual. 

“uAHgHHuuAaaGgHH” Sehun shoves his face into the back of the couch, legs splayed haphazardly over the armrests and the cushions. 

“Can you actually not?” Jongin kicks Sehun, earning another drawn-out groan from the younger. “Dude, everyone’s already outside, and the manager says that if we don’t leave right now we’ll be late.”

Sehun _knows_ that. He doesn't fucking need Jongin to tell him. Jesus, who does Jongin think he was? His mother? Fuck, Sehun’s entire goddamn body feels like it's just been hurled off of Namsan Tower and shoved into a rice cooker, so he didn’t exactly feel well enough to just get up all pip and lickety split to deal with hundreds of fans in an airport and then sit in an unventilated, cramped metal tube for an hour.

“Fuck off, Jongin.” Sehun spits out. 

“What did you just say, Sehun?” Junmyeon’s voice cuts in coldly. 

Sehun’s stomach twinges with remorse for a split second before it goes back to the overwhelming need to throw up.

“It’s okay, Junmyeon-hyung. Sehun, dude, get up. Seriously.” Jongin lightly shakes Sehun’s shoulder, but Sehun swats his hand away irritably. 

“No it’s not, Jongin. He just swore at you.” Junmyeon’s tone is stony. “Sehun, what’s up with you today? Are you sick or something?”

Only another guttural whine of pain in response.

“Do you think we should call the manager, hyung? He’s been kind of off for a while now, actually.”

There is a pause. “No – there’s nothing he could do that would help him. The least we can do is just grab some headache medicine or something, and if he’s still not feeling well once we get to the hotel we can have the managers get him a doctor.” 

“I guess you’re right.” Jongin sighs. “Okay, I’ll get his bags for him.” Sehun hears Jongin grunt as he takes his bags before the door of the dorm closes shut. 

“Sehun, okay, I know you’re not feeling great but we have a flight to catch and we really need to leave right now. Try to sit up and I’ll grab you some Advil and water and let’s go, okay?” 

Sehun grunts, but makes no move to get up. 

Junmyeon sighs, but Sehun clutches his head as the obnoxious sound of drawers opening and closing knife into his skull. The sound of running faucet water almost seems to pinball inside his brain. Sehun hears Junmyeon walk back and set the glass and Advil container on the coffee table in front of the couch. 

“Sehun, please, just get up. Eat a tablet and take a nap in the van, okay?” Junmyeon is getting impatient. 

Sehun knows that he has to get up, but just the thought of moving his body from his current position on the couch makes his muscles ache in protest. “nnnGHh” He supplies. 

The dorm doors opens again, and Sehun figures it a manager coming to drag him outside. He winces from a stab of pain in the back of his eyes. 

“Baekhyun, what are you doing here?” Junmyeon asks.

That’s a good question, Sehun’s brain manages to think. 

“To check on Sehun, of course.” Baekhyun says lightly. “Jongin said that something’s wrong with him?”

“Yeah, but I’m not exactly sure what it is. It's obviously bothering him so much, though, that he refuses to get off this couch and take this Advil.” Junmyeon pauses. “Plus he swore at Jongin.”

Sehun can practically hear Junmyeon’s pursed lips and disapproving gaze boring into his back.

“Ah, the woes of the youth.” Baekhyun lilts.

“...Baekhyun, you’re only two years older than him.”

“And you’re only a year older than me, hyung. Here, I’ll get him, okay? You go outside. Don’t worry about it.”

Junmyeon pauses. “You sure? He’s being a real arse right now.”

“I’ll be fine, hyung. Plus, like you said, I’m closer to his age than you are. Maybe he just doesn’t listen to old people.” Baekhyun teases.

Junmyeon scoffs lightheartedly. “Are you forgetting about Minseok? Alright, I’ll tell the managers you guys are on the way.”

Sehun hears the dorm close once more, and then there is silence. He hears Baekhyun open the bottle and shake the tablets around before setting it back onto the coffee table. The cushion sags slightly, and warm arms wrap around him from behind.

“Sehunnie, you can’t just swear at your hyungs. What would your mother say?” Baekhyun presses himself up against Sehun’s back.

Sehun feels his stomach flutter strangely, yet almost _familiarly_ over the nausea.

“Hmm, Sehun-ah?” Baekhyun slots his leg between Sehun’s, and the younger shivers as he feels Baekhyun’s mouth hover over his ear. “Sehunnie, come on, we have to go.” Baekhyun whispers.

“Baek–” Sehun mumbles, shifting uncomfortably.

“Ah, at last! A response! Come one, Hun. Everyone’s waiting.” Baekhyun lightly tugs on Sehun’s arm.

Sehun flips himself on the couch, wincing at the pain in his head as he does so. Blearily he opens his eyes, adjusting to the bright light streaming in through cracks in the blinds and _whoooooaaaaaaa._

Baekhyun’s face is approximately .00000001 centimeters from his own and that is _far_ too close for his liking.

Baekhyun just smiles sweetly, pressing his forehead up to Sehun, and Sehun feels the fluttering ( _why_ did it feel _so_ _familiar?...)_ grow more restless. Awkwardly he presses back into the back of the couch, trying to create some distance between him and Baekhyun’s ~~adorably pink lips~~ face.

“How’re you doing, Sehun?”

“Er–” A stab of pain behind his left eye makes him clutch his head. “Eugh, not great.”

Baekhyun frowns. “That’s why you need to take some of this Advil. C’mon, open up.”

Baekhyun takes the arm not wrapped around Sehun’s waist and waves a small red tablet in front of Sehun’s mouth.

Sehun’s face heats, and – did Baekhyun just smirk? Carefully Sehun opens his mouth and if it was possible Baekhyun presses _even closer_ as he plops the tablet into Sehun’s mouth. Sehun can hardly breathe, and he knew that he failed chemistry in grade school but he estimates about 0.000001 moles of oxygen between them at this point.

Baekhyun’s hand lightly rests on the nape of Sehun's very flushed neck and suddenly a _terrifying_ wave of deja vu crashes over him.

Frantically he scrambles upright on the couch, breaking away from Baekhyun’s hold on his waist because no, no nonononono this could _not_ be happening!

His head pounds and he feels like he's going to puke any second now, but this time it's because holy fuck, what gave Baekhyun the idea that what he was doing was okay? He _knows,_ he fucking _knows_!

But Baekhyun has his mouth slightly open in confusion and maybe a little hurt, and Sehun deflates a little. He didn't mean to act so blunt, but Baekhyun couldn't just _do_ that!

“What the hell, hyung?” Sehun chuckles weakly, scratching the back of his head. “I need water to swallow this, you know.”

And immediately that disappointed face is wiped off of Baekhyun's face and replaced with another one of his trademark grins. “You know, you could have just asked instead of physically assaulting me and shoving me off the couch.”

Sehun splutters. “What? I did no such thing. You were invading my personal space and I was simply acting in self defence.”

Baekhyun wiggles his eyebrows. “Don't pretend you didn't like it.”

This time Sehun really does shove Baekhyun off the couch.

“Yah! Oh Sehun!” Baekhyun squeaks.

The tablet is beginning to taste foul in Sehun’s mouth. “Don't pretend you weren't asking for it.” He wiggles his eyebrows mockingly, and reaches over for the glass of water.

Baekhyun gasps dramatically, and from the ground intensely watches Sehun swallow the tablet. Sehun kicks him and drinks the rest of the glass to settle his stomach.

By the time they get to the vans (“Finally! What the hell took you guys so long?” says Kyungsoo) Sehun is feeling a bit better, but still uneasily avoids Baekhyun’s attempts to wrap his arms around Sehun’s waist from behind. Quickly he nudges Kyungsoo to scoot over so he could sit with him, Jongdae, Yixing, and Jongin.

Sehun glances over to the other van and Baekhyun is staring back at him, face unnervingly unreadable. Sehun swallows and looks away quickly, but peeks back after a while and Baekhyun is already sitting next to Chanyeol, laughing at some joke Minseok had made.

Sehun feels a surge of anger towards the older. What the _hell_ had Baekhyun been doing? Did he not have _any_ common sense? Sehun’s breath is heavy. Fucking Byun Baekhyun, why would he mess with him when he knows that it would remind him of–

“You okay, Sehun?” Yixing asks softly, tapping Sehun’s shoulder from behind.

“Wha–? I mean, yeah. I’ve just been sick lately. Headache and all.” Chanyeol swings an arm around Baekhyun.

The vans starts moving, and Baekhyun’s van goes in front.

“Just been sick?” Jongin scoffs. “You literally told me to fuck off and wouldn’t get off the couch, not even when Junmyeon told you to. What did Baekhyun do that got you to move?”

Jongdae laughs. “Knowing him, he probably started singing Beyoncé at the top of his lungs and Sehun needed to escape.”

The members break out into laughter and Sehun weakly tries to join in, but he can't quite match their lightheartedness.

“Sehun, dude, you literally look dead. Take a nap – we’ll wake you up when we get to the airport.” Yixing massages Sehun’s shoulders, and Sehun tiredly nods his thanks.

He closes his eyes, and quickly the excited chatter of the rest of the van dulls as the bliss of oblivious sleep takes him over.

 

* * *

 

Yixing lets his arms fall to his sides once he feels Sehun’s tense body relax.

 “Jongdae,” he says quietly.

 “Yeah, hyung?”

“Do you really believe that’s what Baekhyun did?”

 Jongdae looks sideways at him, face questioning.

 “Do you really think singing badly is what got Sehun to move?”

Jongdae shrugs. “Probably not, but why do you ask?”

Yixing suddenly looks extremely exhausted, as if he has not slept in months. “I’m worried about Sehun. He got really depressed and sick like this last year this time as well. And it makes me wonder…”

The van silences. 

Jongin blinks disbelievingly. “You don’t think...?” 

Kyungsoo shakes his head vigorously. “No, stop. We all promised that we would move on, and Sehun is no exception. It’s been two years. We’re over it.” 

“Sehun kept buying his shampoo from that Chinese site for a year, Kyungsoo.” Yixing reminds him gently. 

There is silence again. 

Jongdae bites his lip. “Baekhyun just… better have not done anything stupid.” 

 

* * *

 

**_14 June 2013, EXO dorms_ **

**_(day of EXO’s first KBS Music Bank win)_**

_Everything’s a blur. There are cameras and blinding flashes everywhere, cheers and sobs getting caught in their throats. Jongin is crying. So is Yixing, and Junmyeon won’t let anyone see his face._  

 _They had won. Their first ever win, and it’s as twelve._  

 _Sehun can’t speak. Managers and stylists are running around chaotically, members are hugging and clapping and smiling at anyone they can see. Dimly Sehun hears someone call out for pictures, and Sehun ends up next to Kyungsoo and a sobbing Jongin._  

 _A flash, a smile, we are one._  

_“We won!” Minseok cries._

_But they barely have time to celebrate their victory before they’re shoved back into vans for two fansigns, in separate groups. The fans cheer wildly and uncontrollably as they enter, and it takes a while for the staff to get everything in order. About an hour in, the fansign seems to go be going by calmly and quietly, but the unusually generous fanservice and especially excited laughs that Sehun hears as he distractedly signs a fan’s poster, replaying the evening over and over in his head, tells him otherwise._

_“Baekhyun-oppa, if you had to write a song for one of your members, who would you write it for?” Sehun hears a girl ask._  

 _“Our darling maknae Sehunnie, of course.” Baekhyun replies without hesitation, throwing an arm around Sehun and flashing a dazzling smile up at him._  

 _Sehun pretends to shoves his arm off in annoyance, but can’t help the wide grin that spreads across his face._  

 _They all end up back in the dorm with nine boxes of fried chicken, because according to their managers, they can’t afford to get wasted in a public facility, not yet. All of them pile onto the couch in their living room. Shoulder to shoulder, it’s a tight squeeze and Zitao is practically sitting on top of Chanyeol, but no one cares because it’s the twelve of them together, unbeatable, unbreakable._  

_It’s a feast fit for kings, and in the high that buzzes through them the entire night, Sehun considers them just that._

_Having just met the legal drinking age a mere two months ago, obligatorily Sehun reaches immediately for a bottle of soju once Baekhyun and Jongdae smuggle a crate into the dorm. They have another show tomorrow, but no one cares because this night is all about them. Next to him Sehun hears Luhan’s ringing laughter at some joke Chanyeol made at Kyungsoo’s expense, whose ears are now bright red._  

 _“What, what did he say?” Sehun tugs at Luhan’s sleeve._  

 _Luhan just laughs again, shaking his head. Sehun’s heart swoops at the sight. Everyone always made fun of how ugly Luhan’s laughing face was, but Sehun could never understand why because in his eyes, it was the most natural and thus, the most beautiful. Luhan swings an arm around Sehun._  

 _“You’re too young to understand.”_  

 _Sehun splutters indignantly, because obviously if he’s old enough to drink then he must be old enough to understand the joke, but Luhan just grins and ruffles his hair._  

 _A few hours and a few dozen sojus later, Junmyeon crawls out from underneath a passed out Yixing to wobble to a standing position in front of them. He claps his hands drunkenly and anyone not already completely inebriated beyond reason turns to look at him._  

 _“We did it, guuuuuys. We did it. Th-this is what w-w-weeee’ve worked for. We’ve come a loooong way, from the b-bottom up.” Junmyeon yawns. “W-we did it.” He manages, before collapsing back on top of Yixing._  

 _“Yeah, we did it.” Yifan murmurs, already half-asleep. “We did it.”_  

 _Kyungsoo is struggling to get up underneath a mess of limbs that is Jongin, who is dragging him back down onto the couch._  

 _“Hyung, just stay. We can clean tomorrow.” Jongin yawns, pulling Kyungsoo by the waist back on top of him._  

 _Kyungsoo sighs and mutters a small “fine,” but Sehun sees the corners of his mouth twitch upwards before he rests his head on Jongin’s shoulder._  

 _Jongdae, Chanyeol, and Baekhyun are lying on the ground, sleeping like rocks, and Zitao and Minseok are leaning against each other on the couch with half-finished bottles of soju still in their hands._  

 _Sehun yawns and nuzzles his head into the crook of Luhan’s neck._  

 _"We did it, hyung.” He says sleepily._  

 _Fingers thread through his hair. “Yeah, we did.” Luhan says distractedly. “We did.”_  

 _Sehun throws an arm around Luhan’s waist, and cranes his neck to squint up at Luhan._  

 _“What’s wrong, hyung?”_  

 _“It’s just–I–” Luhan shakes his head and smiles down at Sehun. “It’s nothing. Nevermind. You should sleep, Hun-ah. We have another show tomorrow. Don’t want to be tired.”_  

 _Sehun frowns and pushes himself up. He drank, but he's not that drunk. He can tell that something’s bothering Luhan._  

 _“It’s obviously something, otherwise you wouldn’t have that little crease on your forehead. Your forehead always creases when you’re thinking hard about something.” He says._  

 _Luhan looks into his eyes in surprise, and Sehun’s heart flutters oddly._  

 _“It’s nothing really, Sehunnie… It's just – where do you see us a year from now? Five years? Twenty years? Where will we be?”_  

 _Sehun doesn’t miss a beat. “All together, obviously. The twelve of us. Celebrating another music show win, passed out on our couch. Soju, fried chicken. Dancing, singing. Always.”_  

 _Luhan hesitates. “You think? Twenty years is a long time, you know. We’ll be in our forties.”_  

 _“H.O.T. members are almost forty.” Sehun says._  

 _“But they’re not together anymore, Sehun.”_  

 _“True, but we’ll still be friends, though.” Sehun says confidently. “Anyway, twenty years is a long time away from now. We still have next year to be together. And the next year, and the next year. We have twenty years to think about twenty years from now. Don’t worry about it, hyung.”_  

 _Luhan opens his mouth as if to say something else, but he closes it and swallows. “You’re right. I’m just worrying too much.”_  

 _“Why are you asking this, anyway?” Sehun yawns again, resting his head on Luhan’s shoulder._  

_“Oh, no reason. Just thinking.” Luhan replies, but Sehun is already asleep._

 

* * *

 

**_01 October 2016, Incheon International Airport_ **

**_(day before_ ** **_EXO Planet #3 – The EXO'rDIUM in Fukuoka)_**  

“Hey, hey Sehun. Wake up, we’re here.” Someone is shaking Sehun awake.

“nnNNghHH.” Sehun groans, lifting his head off the window and blearily blinking awake. “What?” 

“Sehun, c’mon.” Yixing continues. “Are you feeling better? We have to catch that plane to Fukuoka.” 

“Okay, okay, I’m coming.” Sehun’s mouth feels dry, but his head hurts less than it did this morning and he feels somewhat able to walk unassisted. 

Sehun follows Yixing and Kyungsoo out of the van, and already there is a giant crowd of fans screaming and excitedly taking pictures. 

Minseok offers him a facemask, and Sehun accepts gratefully. A manager hands him his bags, and Sehun pulls out a black cap and puts it on. He’s still half-sick, and he just woke up. Not his best look to flaunt to the world. 

“So, Sehun, how’re you feeling?” 

Sehun nearly jumps out of his skin in surprise. “What the hell, Baekhyun?”

Baekhyun grins teasingly. “What did you just call me?” 

Sehun bites his lip uneasily, but can’t help but crack a small smile. “Fine, fine. _Hyung._ What the hell, Baekhyun _-hyung.”_  

“Much better.” Baekhyun laughs. “Glad you’re feeling better.” 

“Yeah,” Sehun says, forcing himself to relax. It's just Baekhyun. Baekhyun-hyung. “Thanks to you. I’d probably still be laying on that couch if you hadn’t made me take that Advil.” 

Baekhyun grins slyly. “So you _did_ like it.” 

“Shut up.” Sehun shoves Baekhyun playfully.

“That’s shut up, _hyung_ to you.” 

Sehun can almost feel his headache coming back. 

“Hey, Baekhyun, Sehun, hurry up.” A manager nudges the two of them forward towards the entrance, where the rest of the members are already struggling through the crowd. 

Once they’re inside the airport it’s not as bad. A manager has already checked them in and printed their tickets, so it’s a smooth ride through security and passport check. They’ve done it hundreds of times before. It’s nothing new, and before he knows it, he’s already on the plane. 

Sehun is one of the first ones on, so by the time he’s got his seat belt on and phone on airplane mode, some members and staff are still getting on. Sehun shifts in his seat. He's been on countless flights before, yet this one somehow feels different. Sehun frowns. Everything these past few days has been feeling ever so slightly off. 

“Hey, Sehun. Guess I’m sitting next to you.” 

Sehun looks up, and Baekhyun is tossing his passport and ticket onto Sehun’s lap, flopping down into the seat next to him and pulling out an earbud from his ear. Sehun shoves Baekhyun’s stuff back to him. 

“Guess so.” Sehun replies. 

“Hey, Sehun, listen to this. It’s interesting because it’s doesn’t really have like, a repeated melody like most songs, y’know? But it sounds really cool and I can’t tell if I like it or not.” Baekhyun says, offering him the earbud he took out. 

Sehun takes it, and Baekhyun starts the track over. 

“It’s pretty long, actually. Almost ten minutes.” 

Sehun nods, and he can hear what Baekhyun is talking about. It’s trance-y, starting with quiet vocals and deep drums, and it slowly builds, adding synth, and just as economy class is getting on, the song transforms into a fast-paced electronic track. But it’s not something you can just dance to, Sehun thinks. It’s more of a “sit there and experience it” sort of song, and once it ends, the flight attendants are closing all of the overhead baggage bins and Sehun is impressed. 

“I like it.” He says to Baekhyun. 

Baekhyun nods. “So do I, but I don’t know if I can just listen to it on repeat. Plus this isn’t the sort of music I typically listen to, so.” 

Sehun shrugs. “I mean, it’s a pretty long song and I feel like it’s a song that you listen every once and awhile, when you can just sit there for ten minutes and listen to it full.” 

“True.” Baekhyun says. 

“Ladies and gentlemen, please turn your attention to your nearest flight attendant for a brief safety demonstration. Please follow along in the safety booklet located in the seat pocket in front of you.”

Baekhyun puts his earbud back in and scrolls through his music library. Sehun blinks. Something about that looked familiar. 

Shrugging, he looks through the magazines and pamphlets in the seat front pocket. There’s a magazine full of advertisements for interesting yet rather useless, overpriced items, and a magazine of pictures of Korea and travel suggestions. There are two sickness bags, but oddly enough he can’t seem to find the safety instructions pamphlet. Strange. Wasn't it illegal or something to take it? 

Sehun shrugs and takes the booklet from Baekhyun’s seat pocket. Sehun opens it and listens for exactly eleven seconds before zoning out. Honestly, from all the flights he's been on, he could probably give the safety demonstration himself if he tried. 

The plane is soon on the runway and Baekhyun takes out his earbuds and looks at the pamphlet clutched in Sehun’s hands. 

“Wow, you actually pay attention to the safety demos?” 

Sehun shakes his head and reaches over Baekhyun to put the booklet back into his seat pocket. “No way. I literally stopped listening like, before she even started taking.” 

Baekhyun laughs, and Sehun feels a pleasant buzz run through him. He’s always liked Baekhyun’s laugh. 

“Anyway,” Sehun yawns. “Are you ready for this concert? Actually, didn’t you say something last night about White Noise?” 

“Aww, is the wittle maknae worried for his favorite hyung?” Baekhyun coos. 

“Favorite hyung my ass.” Sehun snorts. “Literally even Chanyeol is better than you.” 

“Oh, so you _are_ worried about me?” 

Sehun laughs. It was always easy to laugh with Baekhyun. “Shut up, hyung.” 

Baekhyun grins again. “Anyway, to answer your question, your favorite hyung couldn’t remember if he sings the second or first chorus, but he got it. Jongdae sings the first one and he sings the second one.” Baekhyun yawns too. “Are _you_ ready?” 

Sehun smiles. “Of course, I always am. Japanese fans are always great.”

The deep rumble of the plane as it begins its takeoff is quite a contrast from the light fluttering Sehun feels in his stomach as Baekhyun laughs. 

“Always the type to flatter your fans, Sehunnie. But you're right. Japan always gives off a different energy than Korea.” Baekhyun says. 

Sehun nods. “Probably because we don't go there as much. They're more excited, right? Because they don't have music shows and fan meets and stuff. They've waited so long for us.” 

“International fans in general. America and Canada this year were insane.” 

Sehun twitches. “Yeah, they were great…” He says distractedly. 

Sehun likes America. Everything is so new and modern, and he always thought that the people were more interesting than in Korea, being from a different country and all – the fans especially. Now that he thinks of it, the feeling is mutual. Performing for international fans was just that bit more exciting, because they didn't get to do it so often. Of course, his own country would always have a special place in his heart, but world tours just really make him appreciate how lucky he is.

Yet… what is that heavy feeling he gets whenever he thinks of America? America has only good memories, and America makes only good memories, but– 

“Hey, remember Disneyland?” 

“Wh-what?” Baekhyun says, bewildered. 

Sehun blushes. What had Baekhyun been talking about again? 

“I mean like, yeah, of course I remember Disney, but that was like, so random?” 

“Sorry, sorry. I got distracted. What were you saying?” Sehun smiles sheepishly. 

“I was saying that I actually think it's a pretty nice change to perform for international fans. Their energy is refreshing. But like, are you okay?” Baekhyun tilts his head worriedly, and lightly touches Sehun’s arm. 

A shiver runs through Sehun’s arm. “I–er–yeah–I–I’m okay. Fine. Totally good. 100% dandy. Why do you ask?” 

Baekhyun raises an eyebrow. “Do you still have a fever? I felt one this morning. You're acting a little… weird. Un-Sehun-like.” 

“Really?” Sehun chuckles nervously. “Guess I’m just excited for the concert. Sorry for interrupting you. Go on.” 

Baekhyun looks at him carefully. Sehun shifts uncomfortably in his seat. 

“Sehun,” Baekhyun says after a moment. “What’s wrong?” 

“Nothing! I'm honestly fine, hyung. Don't worry about me. Anyway, I totally agree with you about performing for–” 

“Sehun,” Baekhyun interrupts, speaking more forcefully this time. Sehun swallows. 

“Sehun,” Baekhyun sighs, running his hand through his hair. _“What’s wrong?”_  

Sehun opens his mouth to object, but Baekhyun looks so...so uncharacteristically serious, so genuinely concerned, so... _loving,_ almost _._ And suddenly he feels so vulnerable, small, even, and it worries him because it’s been a long, long time since he’s felt this way, but he knows that it’s never ended well. He’s always hidden it, he’s always said that everything was fine, convinced himself, convinced others, because that’s how he’s always been and that’s how they were taught _._

But this is Baekhyun, Baekhyun-hyung, and suddenly, he can’t. 

“It’s just. Everything these past few days have just been feeling...wrong _,_ just _wrong_. And I know, I _know_ it sounds bratty and ungrateful, but I just – hyung, we’re almost at our _five year anniversary_. I’m almost 23. I was _17_ when we debuted. We’re _senior idols_ now. And I’ve just been thinking lately…where do you see us a year from now? Five years? Twenty years? Where will we be?”

Sehun takes a shaky breath and closes his eyes. “Hyung, what’s going to happen to us?”

 

* * *

 

**_03 August 2012, SM practice rooms, 2AM_ **

**_(day of flight to_ ** **_SMTOWN_** ** _in_** ** _Tokyo_ ** **_Day 1)_ **  

 _Sehun slams his fist onto the mirror, gritting his teeth. Why? Why couldn't he just get this part right? Several hours ago the SHINee hyungs had tried to convince him to come with them as they left, because “c’mon, it’s late, and you’ve got the dance probably even better than Minho by now”._  

 _But Sehun just shook his head because if he messed this up, it would not reflect well on EXO, and Sehun would much rather not have millions of Shawols out for his blood, thank you very much. They had finally left, reluctantly, after several fruitless pleas were turned down, Jinki with an encouraging pat on his shoulder._  

 _Sehun drags himself over to the speakers and resets the track. It was just that bridge part where they were to dance in the water, not anything super complicated, yet he couldn't seem to get it right. Leg out here, arms out there. Turn around, wait for the other three to join them, a one-leg balance. He has all the right actions at all the right times, and Sehun knows they look good, because even Taemin had complimented him._  

 _Yet somehow, it isn’t enough. It doesn’t feel good enough, and he feels strange dancing to it. He’s missing something, the little something that would finish off the performance perfectly, the cherry on top. But the million dollar question: what was it?_  

 _Sehun groans as the track ends, sinking to his knees. His movements did not seem to be getting any better in the slightest. If anything, they just seemed to be getting sloppier. Sehun stares at himself in the mirror. Mirror Sehun stares back. What is he missing?_  

 _Talent, a voice in the back of his head says._  

_Sehun grimaces, because he knows it was right._

_How can he even imagine dancing with SHINee and being even somewhat comparable? Jongin, who’s been dancing since he could walk, would have been a much better choice. And even he has to work to keep up with Taemin, a dance_ god _who debuted when he was_ fifteen years old, _so what is Sehun even doing?_  

 _He isn’t blind. He’s seen all the comments online. “The worst mistake SM has ever made”, “literally no substance, just mediocre visuals”, “what kind of shit-show of a song is this?” Sehun digs his nails into his palms on his knees. No matter what Sehun does, no matter how amazingly he performs or how well he masters the choreography, he won’t be good enough, EXO won’t be good enough, all because of him._  

 _He’s the youngest, as per fucking always, so people tended to look to him first to see what EXO was like. He’s like a broken toy, shoved into the faces of the public to play around with before getting thrown out when they realize that he is complete trash. Once they saw how sloppily he performed, how awful he looked, how badly he sang, he knew that they all just wrinkled their noses in disgust and went back to their better, more perfect, more talented groups._  

 _Yes, that’s what he was missing._  

 _“Sehun?”_  

 _Sehun whips around towards the doorway, where Baekhyun has his head poked out tentatively. He is suddenly very self-conscious of tears streaking down his face, and hastily he wipes them away. Sehun grimaces. What a child._  

 _“Sehun! Oh my god–are you crying? What are you doing this late!” Baekhyun’s eyes widen in shock, and he throws the door open to run over to kneel next to Sehun._  

 _“Hyung? I–I’m fine. I’m just practicing. Why are you here? Do you need something?” Sehun shies away from Baekhyun’s worried touches, quickly pulling himself together._  

 _“Sehun, you were_ crying, _for goodness sake! Why are you still up practicing?! It’s past two in the morning!”_  

 _Sehun blinks in shock. Was it really that late? He checks the clock on the wall. 2:07._  

_“I–I didn’t realize. I just couldn’t get this one part in the dance I’m doing with the SHINee hyungs is all. Just got a little frustrated. You can go back to the dorms, I’ll be there soon.”_

_Baekhyun looks at Sehun for a moment before plopping down in front of the mirror. “No way. I’m not leaving without you.”_  

 _Sehun squawks indignantly, sputtering wildly about putting health first and sleep deprivation but Baekhyun refuses to budge._  

 _“You're one to talk. Here, why don’t you show me the part you’ve been working on, and maybe I can see what you think you’re doing wrong.”_  

 _Sehun narrows his eyes at Baekhyun but reluctantly concedes._  

 _“Here, I’ll get the music.” Baekhyun scrambles up and restarts the track._  

 _Sehun gets up and starts dancing, but for some reason he feels far more nervous than any of the previous times. He can’t seem to concentrate because Baekhyun is sitting there biting his pink lips, soft brown hair flopping cutely over his forehead and wide eyes bright, but he manages to get through it because at this point he could probably get through the choreo backwards in his sleep if he tried._  

_Baekhyun claps and grins widely. “Sehun, that was amazing! I didn’t see a single thing wrong! I don’t see what you’re so worked up about.”_

_Sehun’s heart skips a beat. “Really? You think?” He smiles shyly, biting his lip._  

 _Baekhyun nods earnestly. “No doubt. Don’t tell him, but I even think you have it better than Minho-hyung himself.”_  

 _At that Sehun frowns again and turns his head. “Don’t say that. I could never be as good as them. I can’t get the same feel as him.”_  

 _“Good.” Baekhyun says._  

 _Sehun looks up in shock, slightly hurt. “What?”_  

 _“You heard me.” Baekhyun says, walking over to Sehun. “I’m glad you can’t get SHINee’s feel, because you’re in EXO, not SHINee. You’re feel is Sehun, Sehun of EXO, Oh Sehun. Not Choi Minho of SHINee.” Baekhyun puts his hand on Sehun’s shoulder._  

 _“Sometimes I wish I weren't.” Sehun mumbles._  

 _“Excuse me? What did you just say?” Baekhyun pulls his hand back, as if he were burnt, voice unnervingly cold._  

 _Sehun flushes, eyes flashing in alarm. He didn't mean for Baekhyun to hear him. “No! No, I mean, I love EXO, I really really do!”_  

 _“That's not what I just heard.”_  

 _“No, hyung, please, listen, I love you and all the hyungs, I love all the fans and I love performing and dancing – the stage is my life, it really is. But I just, I just–”_  

 _“You just what?” Baekhyun says, barely keeping his voice steady. Sehun winces. He's never heard Baekhyun this angry before._  

 _“I–have you read what they all say about us? They hate us! They hate our dances and they hate our songs, they think we’re ugly and arrogant and naive and it’s all because of me, hyung! I always mess up our dances and I literally suck_ ass _at singing!”_  

 _“Sehun,” Baekhyun cuts in, but Sehun keeps going._  

 _“And compared to people like Siwon-hyung or Minho-hyung or even_ Luhan _-hyung, I actually look like trash because I’m too tall and too skinny–”_  

 _“Sehun,” Baekhyun presses more forcefully, but Sehun ignores him again._  

 _“And no way in_ hell _can I ever be as funny as you and Jongdae-hyung and Chanyeol-hyung, but everyone always looks at_ me _because I’m the fucking youngest and–”_  

 _“Sehun!” Baekhyun shouts this time, and Sehun looks back at him, surprise on his face as if he had just realized Baekhyun was there._  

 _“Oh Sehun, don’t you fucking_ dare _say you’re bad at dancing because you wouldn’t be dancing with SHINee if you were, and you know perfectly well that I'm so much worse than you–”_

  _“That’s not true–”_

 _“That’s why I’m here anyway, to sing, and you to dance. We’re all together in EXO to combine our talents and work together as a team, not to be perfect at every single thing. We could've all just debuted solo if we were. Also, you think I’m funny? I’m just obnoxiously loud and do stupid things that somehow make people laugh. You’re quiet, you listen to other people, you’re shy but you care about everyone, and I – everyone loves you because you’re so thoughtful and understanding and–”_  

 _Baekhyun takes a deep breath and swallows. “And just so you know, I always thought you should have been the visual of EXO-K.”_  

 _Sehun blinks. He doesn’t know what to say. “Wha–what? I–What about Jongin? He’s thirty times better-looking than me. And hyung, you’re hilarious, you always know what to say and you can make everyone laugh, and you’re actually a really great–”_  

 _Baekhyun’s mouth curves upwards back into the familiar grin that Sehun has always been fond of, and Sehun’s words get caught in his throat._  

 _“You shower everyone else with compliments, but you’re always way too hard on yourself, Sehunnie. You need to be more confident in yourself. Of course I’ve seen those couple hate comments here and there, but I ignore them because I know that for every person that doesn’t like us, there are a thousand that love us. You can’t please everyone, Sehun-ah, but you can work as hard as you can to thank all the people that do support us.”_  

 _Sehun’s eyes are wide, staring at Baekhyun with his mouth open._  

 _“Here, why don’t you try it again,” Baekhyun says, softly patting Sehun’s shoulder. “And this time, try it dancing like yourself, with EXO’s feel, instead of trying to be Minho.”_  

 _“O-Okay,” Is all Sehun manages to say. He’s never noticed how nice Baekhyun’s eyes were._  

 _Sehun scrambles to get in position and Baekhyun goes to start the music again. Sehun dances, and he remembers what Baekhyun said, to dance like himself, to be confident, to dance like Oh Sehun of EXO, and somehow it feels different, it feels good, he feels_ strong _, and when the track ends, Sehun grins._  

 _Baekhyun gapes. “Wow, that was...amazing, Sehun.”_  
  
_Sehun feels giddy. “Really? You think?”_  
  
_Baekhyun nods with vigor. “Dude, when I saw you the first time I honestly thought ‘shit, he cannot get any better than this,’ but Sehun—Sehun, that was_ so fucking amazing. _Like, I don’t know how else to put it but you’re fucking incredible at dancing, you know that? You’re going to have solo stages and shit one day and fuck everyone up, even men.”_  
  
_Sehun turns pink. “Don’t say that! I am no way good enough for solo stages, and I don’t even—I don’t even want to think—it’s—guys—I just—“_  
  
_“I’d get off to you,”_  
  
_Sehun becomes an aggressively bright shade of red. “STOP STOP STOP!!!”_  
  
_Baekhyun laughs loudly, and even in his humiliation Sehun’s stomach flutters. He’s always liked Baekhyun’s laugh._  
  
_“Kidding, kidding,” Baekhyun says. “But seriously, you’re unbelievable at dancing. You’re at a level that I probably will never reach in my life.”_  
  
_“I think you’re already pretty close.”_  
_  
Baekhyun rolls his eyes, but he smiles. “Always one to suck up to your hyungs, Sehunnie. But was that good? Do you think we can leave now? It’s nearly three and we’re supposed to get up at seven tomorrow to catch the flight.”_

 _Sehun’s eyes widen in horror. “What! Yeah, of course! I’m so sorry, hyung, I didn’t mean to make you stay so late! God, you’re probably exhausted–”_  

 _“Sehun,” Baekhyun grabs Sehun’s wrist. “Calm down. It’s fine. I’m fine. I’m glad I could help.”_  

 _Sehun’s skin tingles. “I’m still sorry, but thank you, hyung. I mean it.”_  

_Baekhyun rolls his pretty eyes with a smile and lightly twists his fingers with Sehun’s to lead him out of the practice room. Sehun’s heart leaps out of his chest. Since when were Baekhyun’s hands so soft?_

_“That’s what friends are for, Sehunnie.”_

 

* * *

 

**_01 October 2016, Incheon International Airport — >Fukuoka Airport_ **

**_(day before_ ** **_EXO Planet #3 – The EXO'rDIUM in Fukuoka)_ **

Sehun feels a soft touch on his shoulder. He shivers and Baekhyun pulls him close, bringing his hand up to weave through Sehun’s hair. Sehun squeezes his eyes shut as he feels wetness on his cheek, bringing his arms around Baekhyun and pressing his face into his shirt.

The armrest digs into their ribcages, but Baekhyun just pulls Sehun even closer. Sehun shakes as the tears run down his face and soak into Baekhyun’s T-shirt, and the wall of being fine, nothing bothering him, caring about nothing, that he so carefully and painstakingly constructed, crumbles to pieces in moments. 

Sehun feels disgusting. He’s so weak, so powerless, and he can’t even control his goddamn emotions? He’s crying like the baby that he is because he’s the youngest, he’s always been the fucking youngest. Sehun remembers the first time his mother put him in that dance class all those years ago, and the closest boy to his age was well over two years older than him.

And he payed _hell_ for it.  
  
_“Yes, Mrs. Oh, don't worry, we have found your son…He was locked in a practice room at the dance studio he goes to, but he was found with nothing but his boxers on… He seems to be in somewhat of a shock, but he does not seem to be physically harmed…His clothes were found hanging from the flagpole at the front of the building, and his shoes and schoolbag were tied to a nearby tree. It was difficult to see them initially because of the rain…Yes, Officer Shin gave him a dry extra uniform to change into…We should be back to the station tonight in around half an hour, 12:40 or so…Ah, well, no—you see, the practice room doors only lock from the outside…”_

And yet he stayed. He stayed, because somehow, dancing made him feel strong, in control. When he performed, it was just his body, and no one could see how scared he felt, how young he was, no one knew a thing, and everyone was happy.

When he joined SM, he was an expert at hiding everything he felt already, and everyone liked him. No one had any problems with him, and he had no problems with anyone else. So they put him in EXO, and the world loved him. The world loved _them._ They were just young, unproblematic and hard working, and everyone was happy.  

Of course so were they, they were so thankful for everything – for the fans, the company, each other, for their entire fucking lives. They had _everything,_ so what _could_ they be upset about? They were paid to sing and dance for a living, they were living their _dreams,_ they were famous and young, good-looking and talented. Idols couldn’t be upset about anything, because their lives were perfect. Yes, everyone was happy.  

Everyone was happy.

“Sehun,” Baekhyun whispers after a while, pulling away slightly to look at Sehun. 

“Yeah?” He croaks, hurriedly wiping the tears from his face.

Sehun looks up, and he’s shocked when he sees Baekhyun’s completely blank face.

It scares Sehun, because Baekhyun _always_ has so much emotion all over his face, happiness from joking around, frustration when he can’t reach the high note, sadness from watching that drama, smugness from winning the last piece of beef at dinner. But Baekhyun is an idol too, and Sehun doesn’t even know why he’s surprised when he realizes that Baekhyun knows how to hide it too.  

“This… This is because of him, isn’t it?”

Sehun feels the tears again before he can even say anything, but as Baekhyun gently brings his arms back around him, Sehun knows that he doesn’t need too. Baekhyun knows.

Sehun envies him, because he was strong, he could hide it, he could control it. Sehun figures that’s why he’s so popular with the fans, because he can act so easily happy, and when he was happy, everyone was happy. 

That’s all that mattered, anyway.

 


End file.
